Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I've been going through a bit of a "thing" recently with spiders. It started at the lake a couple of weeks ago. I was clearing the spiders off the the canoe so Lori and I could go for a ride. I thought I had done a pretty good job. Then I looked down at one of the dock posts and noticed a spider -- about an inch in diameter including the legs. I took the canoe paddle in my hand to smash it against the post. As I did, I perceived that the spider jumped with alarming speed directly on to my left breast which caused me to


I ripped my shirt off and did a little dance that I'm sure intrigued the neighbors. What I came to realize was that the spider did not jump, rather it EXPLODED onto me. Witness the 1-1/2 inch splatter on my shirt:

Well this just gave me the willies. I went for a short kayak ride (too freaked to get in the canoe). After being nettled by smaller spiders, I shortened my trip.

When I got back to the dock, I looked down and discovered that I had a second, equally large splatter on my swimsuit that I had failed to notice before. Aaaaiiieeee!!!! I freaked out all over again (but left my swimsuit on). I had just been carrying that thing around with me the whole time!

The willies returned. I itched and brushed at myself for hours after that.

There have been several, less dramatic encounters over the last weeks, but mostly the story of big bertha follows me wherever I go.

But now, just sitting here in my office -- in my office -- this:

See that spot in the middle? Yep, it's a spider. And it's not on the wall, either, but dangling in mid air like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. And it is just hanging there between my desk chair and the door to my office, blocking my only way out.

I will gird my loins.

I will do what has to be done.

I feel a bad case of the willies coming on.